Perry the Platypus vs Skipper
by ColdCupoJoe
Summary: Hello everyone! Welcome to another addition to my battle series, this time taking a bit less of a serious step and pitting two animal agents head to head, famous OWCA Agent Perry the Platypus of Phineas and Ferb fame versus Skipper, the leader of Penguins of Madagascar! Each character is pulled as amalgamations, hopefully I got the characterizations right and y'all enjoy!


Skipper vs Perry the Platypus

"Ah, Perry the Platypus, how unexpected!" a high-pitched voice emanated from the darkness. The room was a large, high-ceiling apartment, covered from floor to ceiling in bolted metal, with an open porch that led to an impressive view of the city of Danville 40 stories up. Perry had seen this apartment all too many times busting his arch nemesis, the evil Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz, and today was not unlike any other. Upon stepping into the apartment, a rope quickly tightened around the semi-aquatic mammal's flipper, stringing him up and hanging him upside-down from a pulley system attached to the ceiling.

Amongst all of the wooden boxes, deadly-looking contraptions, and screens there was an unassuming swivel chair. Slowly turning around, the swivel chair revealed a lanky man, back and elbows bent to give him a praying mantis-like posture, with a pointy nose, devilish smile, and wide crazed eyes. His white lab coat gave him the appearance of a pharmacist, but Perry knew this fiend to be Dr. Doofenshmirtz himself.

"And by unexpected, I mean completely expected!" the mad doctor laughed, not rising from his swivel chair. He kicked his feet to scoot himself across the floor to a giant tarp-covered machine, no doubt his weekly attempt to rule the Tri-State area.

Doofenshmirtz whipped off the tarp to reveal a giant machine, a bulbous metal turbine with a long, pointed nose pointing upward at an angle.

"Behold, Perry the Platypus, my Go-to-the-Zooinator!" Dr. Doofenshmirtz exclaimed, his crooked teeth flashing a giant smile. Perry rolled his eyes, surely this was going to lead to an unnecessary and extraneously long backstory.

"You see, it all started when I was a little boy back in Gimmelshtump," Heinz started. Perry rolled his eyes, although he felt validated in his prediction. "When I was younger, I always wanted to go to the zoo, but of course the only thing to see at the Gimmelshtump Zoo was the Goozim that you poke with a stick, you know the giant cube shaped monster in the cage. My mother always denied me the simple pleasure of going to a real zoo, but now I can go to the zoo whenever I want with my new Go-to-the-Zooinator! With this, I will be able to switch places with anyone at any random zoo, so that I can take their ticket and their joy from the zoo! It's truly brilliant!"

Suddenly, Perry came flying through the air, landing a webbed kick to Dr. Doofenshmirtz's jaw. Doofenshmirtz flopped to the ground, the controller to the machine tossed skywards.

Perry jumped up for the small remote, but as he did Doofenshmirtz removed his own shoe and tossed it at the airborn monotreme. Perry saw this attack coming, twirling out of the way, but he didn't see that the shoe kept flying in the direction of the remote, colliding with the machine and pressing the big red button in its center. As it did, the machine back on the ground began to hum and whir, electrical surges running throughout the lab.

The machine emitted a bright green ray of energy out of the pointed nose, blasting Perry the Platypus, three black and white arctic birds taking his position on their way back to the ground.

[Central Park Zoo, New York]

"Kowalski, status report!" a stern voice shouted from one of the many zoo enclosures, an island of concrete surrounded by a small moat of water decorated with ice-themed cutouts. In the middle of the concrete slab was a hole leading underground to the habitat of some of the most popular animals in the zoo.

"By my calculations, as long as none of the Strontium and Plutonium atoms collide, we'll be operational in precisely 3 minutes and 37 seconds, Skipper!" another inhabitant called back. Inside of the concrete island, three small penguins huddled around a complex machine with buttons and flashing lights. A fourth penguin, the leader Skipper, stood at a distance with his wings crossed, a smug look of satisfaction on his face.

"Gah huah loo guah?" one of the penguins vocalized. Skipper chuckled, taking a quick turn away from the machine.

"No need to worry, Rico, we took every precaution. We'll take care of this lickety-split so fast not even the Australian Special Forces will know that their entire supply of Cheesy Dibbles is in good old New York!" Skipper grinned, still staring at the wall opposite of his comrades. A bright green flash of light behind him interrupted his contemplation. Skipper could almost smell the artificial cheese from what he assumed was the firing of the machine.

"Well done boys, fired a little sooner than expected but…" the penguin turned around, but as his eyes reached the machine, none of his subordinates were there, instead replaced by a turquoise platypus wearing a nifty fedora.

"Great Atlantic cod, the Australian Special Forces!" Skipper shouted, dropping into a combat stance with his wings held defensively.

"Gyurururu," the platypus said, holding out his hands to try to stop the hostilities. As he held out his hand, however, a small wristwatch emitted a beam of light, passing up and down the penguin in front of him.

"_Skipper the Penguin. Wanted felon for crimes in Mexico, France, Portugal, and is public enemy number one in Denmark. Recommend apprehension and return to the OWCA immediately Agent P,"_ the wristwatch declared. Perry sheepishly grinned, swiftly putting his hand behind his back to hide the device.

"Well well well, my semiaquatic frenemy," Skipper said warily, circling around his opponent. "I don't know what you did with my comrades, but you are about to get a lesson in the old Antarctic tango!"

With that, Skipper launched himself into the air, his foot extended out for a kick. Perry backflipped out of the way as Skipper landed, the penguin's kick cracking the concrete floor. Perry reached under his hat and pulled out his grappling gun, pointing it at his foe.

Perry took just a second aiming his device before pulling the trigger, sending a bulbous, hooked, torpedo-shaped projectile flying at Skipper, the line of the grappling gun trailing behind. Skipper stepped to the side, reaching out his wings to grab the line as it passed and tugged hard. Perry was pulled by the grappling gun as he refused to let go, but he held out one of his fists as he propelled towards his foe.

The two collided as Perry's fist buried itself into Skipper's beak at the same time that Skipper's wing chopped into the platypus' back. They tumbled to the floor and began to wrestle, neither beaked beast gaining an advantage over the other as they rolled all around the base.

A faint red light emitted from the machine Skipper's subordinates had been working on, a blinking red light with the word "warning" written on it, as the machine began to hum and beep uncontrollably. The two combatants didn't see the machine until the beeping became a loud continuous siren, steam and smoke pouring out of the contraption.

"Hold onto your flippers, she's gonna blow!" Skipper shouted, his eyes wide. He hugged Perry tightly and the platypus returned his embrace.

The machine exploded, blowing a nuclear mushroom cloud out of the top of the concrete island, concrete and debris flying in all directions showering the surrounding zoo. From out of the explosion rocketed the platypus, a winged jetpack propelling him into the air, the penguin hanging onto his foot.

"This isn't over, Aussie, not by a long shot!" Skipper shouted over the roar of the jetpack. Skipper crawled up Agent P's leg, grabbing the jetpack's strap and unhooked it. The jetpack flew wildly upwards as it left its passengers behind, the penguin and the platypus twirling in the air trading blows.

Skipper crash landed on the sidewalk first while Perry floated down soon after on a parachute, the old penguin enclosure close to them still in flames. Skipper rose to his feet and brushed off the dust, a new fiery look in his eyes.

"This madness ends now!" Skipper shouted, searching the ground to quickly find a scattered fragment of rebar and wielding it like a rapier. "C'mon turquoise troublemaker, let's do this mono a monotreme!"

Perry rolled his eyes, dropping into a defensive stance, curling the fingers of his outstretched hand to encourage his foe to come at him.

"No, no, you come here," Skipper refused, curling his flipper in an identical manner.

"Gyurururu," Perry insisted, curling his fingers again.

"We can't do this all day," Skipper said, exasperated. "Look, pal, let's just meet in the middle like civilized semiaquatic animals. Comprende?"

"Gyurururu," Perry gargled in response. The two combatants inched close to each other before Skipper thrust forward with his rebar sword, to which Perry easily dodged by sliding to the side. He took off his hat and pressed a button on the inside, the brim turning into a sort of circular saw blade. Perry threw his hat like a frisbee at the opposing penguin.

"Biscuits and gravy!" Skipper shouted, ducking just in time as the hat flew over his head. "Who throws a hat? Seriously? Could've taken my head off…"

Perry slapped the rebar sword out of Skipper's hand, the metal clanging to the ground. Skipper returned the favor by planting a solid kick to the secret agent's chest, sending him sliding backwards several feet. The two locked eyes once more, neither ready to make a move.

Perry's eyes were drawn upwards behind Skipper, drawing the attention of the penguin as well. Skipper's eyes widened as he saw the hat that Perry had thrown earlier careening back through the air towards the penguin. Skipper ducked at the last minute, but the hat's razor edge buzzed off the top layer of feathers, leaving Skipper with a scalp sheared to the bright pink skin.

Perry couldn't help but stifle a chuckle as he caught his hat, returning it to his head, but quickly returned to his senses as he saw Skipper's rage boil.

"You no good, low down, mangy, flea bitten, duck-mammal!" Skipper roared. He charged into battle against his platypus enemy, his wings swinging wildly. Perry countered with punches of his own, though feeling every punch thrown by his adversary.

They tumbled through the park, trading blows as they rolled from enclosure to enclosure, each of them bruised beyond belief. They finally came to a stop outside of the wreckage of the penguin enclosure once more as Perry used his tail to flip Skipper off of him.

Skipper landed on his feet, pulling a pink controller out from behind him. He pressed a big green button with glee, eyeing his battered enemy. Perry rose, instantly ready for whatever threat came his way, but nothing seemed to happen.

Skipper looked perplexed, looking down at his controller and pressing the button once more. Nothing happened.

"Darn technology, never works when your life depends on it!" Skipper shouted, slamming the controller on the ground, shattering the small device. As he did, though, a bright pink Barbie car rocketed from out of the penguin enclosure wreckage, the seats empty as it was summoned remotely. Perry didn't see the car until it was too late as it crashed into him, knocking him unconscious on the concrete.

[]

Perry woke tied to a chair in front of a metal table in the basement wreckage of what once was the penguin habitat. Skipper angrily pointed a heat lamp in the eyes of his adversary.

"What did you do to my boys?" Skipper interrogated, flashing a picture of Kowalski, Rico, and Private at the hatted platypus.

"Gyrururu," Perry responded, still a bit dazed.

"Teleported?" Skipper sounded perplexed.

"Gyrururu," Perry continued, moving his head back and forth to mime the events of earlier in the day.

"Evil scientist? Well why didn't you say so, friend?" Skipper chuckled. The penguin turned to leave, climbing into the Barbie car sitting atop the wreckage.

"Gyrururu?" Perry struggled against the knots holding him to the chair.

"No offense, but I'm not falling for that like Manfredi and Johnson, rest their souls," Skipper looked wistfully into the distance. "No worries, we're not fighting anymore, but like I always say, a friend is just an enemy who hasn't attacked you yet, and I don't want to take that chance my semiaquatic friend. I'll be back with my boys to figure out what to do with you. Toodles!"

At that, Skipper drove off in the pink car into the sunset, leaving Perry tied the chair. Perry used his tail to reach up into his hat to retrieve a nail file and began sawing his way out of his new predicament.

Winner: Skipper

Stay tuned for a Halo/Fallout crossover in the future!


End file.
